


Valse sentimentale

by mirkwood131



Series: EXO Central [22]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 09:02:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14713130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirkwood131/pseuds/mirkwood131
Summary: Chanyeol finds his soulmate in the person of Baekhyun, but at what cost?





	Valse sentimentale

**Author's Note:**

> song recommandation: [ Valse sentimentale ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUuusqy50yk)  
> enjoy:)

The smoke felt sticky in his mouth, tasting stale, stifling. He coughed for a couple of times and then he threw the cigarette down, onto the wet ground. Like a bug, he crushed it with his boot.

“Kyungsoo!”

He heard his own name, called by the voice he liked most. It seemed like a calling, sweet, the way it flew through the wind that was brushing on his heated face.

“Kyungsoo. I met someone. He’s-he’s like…so great.” the same voice said, but this time, only seconds apart, his name sounded bitter.

“Oh. Great!” he said and turned around, to face the other one.

It seemed like a déjà vu to him, even though he had never believed in them; the way the other’s fingers brushed through his hair, his eyes, sparkling brighter, he thought that he might had lived this moment over and over again.

“He might like me too. No. I’m sure. It just felt…I’ve never felt anything like that in my life.” the other said, a smile blossoming on his young face. “Do you believe in magic?”

“Magic is for fools.” Kyungsoo said, huffing.

The wind blew one more time, harsh on the now cold skin of his face. In his mouth, the same stale taste lingered, making him feel sick to his stomach.

“Are you alright? You look pale.” the other said, placing one hand on his shoulder.

The weight of the fingers that were splayed on his arm suddenly calmed him down, making his breathing slow, until his heart almost stopped beating.

“I’m alright, Chanyeol. Just tired.” Kyungsoo said.

“You should rest. Business Law is pointless anyways.” Chanyeol laughed.

He let his arm fall down, and the heaviness returned in his chest. Yet, the touch still lingered, like the first time Chanyeol had hold his hand, in his back yard, when Kyungsoo took care of one of his many wounds inflicted on himself.

“So. When will I meet your Prince Charming?” Kyungsoo asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Soon. Tonight we are going to see a movie and then grab a bite.” Chanyeol grinned, a smile that lighted up his entire being, so much so that it made Kyungsoo smile too.

“Smiling suits you. It’s like your heart is in your smile, not your chest. Do you even have a heart?” Chanyeol asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he was looking straight at Kyungsoo’s lips.

The smile faltered, replaced by a sudden urge to make one more step until he would be pressed against the other.

But he didn’t, he just imagined how it would feel like. Soft, regretful, warm and painful, tasting like bubblegum, like who he loved most.

“Maybe you have two.” Chanyeol smiled and stepped forward.

His heart made a leap and shuddered in its cage. Chanyeol smelled different, a new perfume, of a different person. He used to smell like Kyungsoo’s, as they would share the same one. It made him feel proud, like he owned something, only known by himself. It was a primal instinct.

“One. Two.” Chanyeol said, touching his lips and then, his chest; he thought that those fingers lingered a second too long on his bottom lip.

“Maybe I’m in love. Love at first sight. Do you believe in love at first sight?” he asked Kyungsoo when they started walking towards their boarding school; arms touching from time to time. For Chanyeol, because he couldn’t walk straight, but for Kyungsoo, it was intentional.

“Maybe…it depends. It’s just an illusion. An infatuation with an illusion that we paint someone to be. Or…maybe not.” Kyungsoo said, glancing at Chanyeol.

“I believe in it.” he smiled.

And the night eventually came, leaving Kyungsoo alone in the room, laying on his bed. There were shadows from the tree branches on the ceiling, looking like contorted hands, waiting to grab him by the neck and squeeze.

It scared him.

In his chest, the feelings were contradicting each other. Two beings fighting for dominance. Happiness and joy, but not his. And jealousy and love and hatred for someone he didn’t even know.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!” he screamed and hit the bed with his closed fist.

He glanced at it, but then, he quickly looked away, back at those shadows that had become bigger. But the urge was still there, or maybe the belief that nothing was real. His closed fist felt real, there; the pain was prickling at his skin, but when he looked closer at it, he almost thought that he could see through it. That the white of the bed sheets was painting his own olive color.

A jolt of joy ran through his body and his lips and then, he felt a sting. He brought his fingers to them, but he didn’t know what was floating inside of him. The happiness, overpowering, but not his own. Chanyeol’s, as it had always used to be, but in the past, everything melted together, as a single sentiment. This time, there were too many.

Another jolt and Kyungsoo dug his face in the pillow. He pressed hard, until he couldn’t breathe anymore. When he came back for air, the room was spinning around with him. The air, it all smelled like bubblegum and their perfume, but it made him puke.

Kyungsoo stood up from the bed and walked towards the window. He opened it and breathed in the cold air. Down, right underneath a small oak tree, he saw two figures. One was lanky and one smaller, and suddenly, he thought it was the other. There, with his body pressed against that person, all the blackness was merging together into only one spot.

He shook his head, hard, until the room was spinning again with him, but when he looked down, the figures were still there. Maybe it wasn’t Chanyeol.

The door suddenly opened and Kyungsoo jumped in surprise. He closed the windows, like hiding a dirty secret and looked at him.

“Saw you from downstairs.” Chanyeol said, closing the door.

Kyungsoo looked back. The figures were still one black spot underneath some branches. It was only in his imagination, then.

“How did it go?”

Chanyeol grinned, wide and toothy, like he had always done as a child, waiting to be scolded.

“Baekhyun is right behind the door. Can he come in?” Chanyeol asked, shifting from one foot to another.

Kyungsoo knew, that if he would deny this to him, Chanyeol would accept it. But he didn’t.

“Yes. Sure. I want to meet him.” Kyungsoo said.

“Alright.” Chanyeol breathed out and opened the door once again.

The figure that came in was smaller, as small as him, but somehow more fragile, frail. Thin, but not overly so, everything about him was delicate. Kyungsoo now could feel the same perfume that was clinging to Chanyeol’s skin.

Another jolt of happiness that left him breathless.

“Hello.” the stranger said and Kyungsoo tried to smile.

“Hi…I’m Kyungsoo.” he said, walking forward to shake his hand.

“I know. Chanyeol has told me all about you.” Baekhyun said.

“Did he?” he asked, glancing at Chanyeol, still standing in the doorway.

“Of course. He wouldn’t stop saying about how protective and good of a friend you’ve always been to him.” Baekhyun smiled, less toothy, but it felt warm, so warm that Kyungsoo’s chest tightened from the bitterness he felt.

Chanyeol stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s torso, like he had always used to do to him.

“I-I…maybe you want some privacy.” Kyungsoo said and when he glanced down, he could almost see the floor through his hand.

“No. It’s alright.” Baekhyun said as if this wasn’t his room, the room he had been sharing with Chanyeol for two years. As if, in that moment, he was the one having all the rights over him. “You can stay.”

“Isn’t Baekhyun amazing?” Chanyeol grinned and when Baekhyun glanced back at him, Kyungsoo immediately looked away.

“Don’t be like this.” Baekhyun laughed, gently kissing him on the lips.

The same pang of joy and exhilaration, stronger than before, hit Kyungsoo in the chest, overpowering anything else that he could feel. But then, just as rapidly, it was replaced by a sticky, murky feeling, clinging to everything.

“I should probably go.” Baekhyun smiled.

“Alright. I’ll walk you outside.” Chanyeol said, still glancing at Baekhyun, as if he were in a trance.

“Alright…” Baekhyun smiled.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and then turned around, to walk towards the window. He opened it, right when he heard a ‘goodbye’ being thrown at him. But he didn’t want to answer, so he only picked a cigarette and lighted it.

He watched it slowly burn and then the flame die down. Again, the fire touched its edge, eating it alive. He was staring at it and didn’t even know when those arms wrapped around his torso or when that head laid right on his shoulder.

“You are unhappy.”

“I am not.” Kyungsoo said and lighted the cigarette again.

“I can feel it. There.” he said, and touched Kyungsoo’s heart. “It’s…heavy.”

“I’m happy for you. And I know that you are happy…I can always feel…” Kyungsoo said and turned around.

“And so do I…” Chanyeol smiled, and this time it wasn’t toothy.

It was soft and light. Sad.

“Where is your heart?” he asked and Kyungsoo closed his eyes.

When he opened them again, his hand was vivid once again. Olive skin, veins and flesh. Nothing else. Real.

His heart started beating faster when he thought that he understood.

“Kyungsoo…” Chanyeol whispered, the same sweet sound flying through the air.

But then, his chest felt heavy once again, but it was only heaviness that he could feel, and nothing else.

“Tell me what’s making you…”

“Nothing.” Kyungsoo whispered, glancing away.

His hands had a power of their own. One of them grabbed at Chanyeol’s arm, with fingers digging in his skin.

The other one was still uncertain, halfway through the air.

Chanyeol’s hand cupped his face, bringing him a little bit closer.

“I’ll do whatever you want me to.” he said and then, suddenly, Kyungsoo was run by a jolt of happiness. Quick, short but strong.

He knew that Chanyeol could feel it too, from the way he jumped in surprise, his eyes becoming bigger and his lips parting away, like a tacit invitation.

That was the moment when he knew that he could ask whatever, and Chanyeol would listen to his wishes. He was his, after all. His, since he has first saw him, in that yard, and he had always known that for certain.

“Kyungsoo…” Chanyeol whispered, but any other words were cut off by Kyungsoo’s lips crushing onto his, hard and almost violent. The same bubblegum taste; chapped and real underneath his, he could feel the blood pumping beneath the frail skin.

But he didn’t feel that jolt of joy or happiness. Only the same heaviness, darkness, growing stronger around him and them. Chanyeol’s lips were not moving but he wasn’t walking away either. Glued into place.

The windows suddenly closed with a thud as the wind started, and he was startled.

They both jumped away from each other, unable to look at their faces; like they were young and would do something bad, so bad that none of them had had the courage to admit it.

“I-I…if that’s what you want…” Chanyeol whispered. “I’m going to do it. Because I love you.” he said and Kyungsoo knew that this all that he had ever wished for.

He suddenly felt happy, but it was short lived. Another pang, a painful one hit his heart. It was not his, but it became part of him too.

And then, he didn’t know what he truly wanted anymore. A heart to slowly die in his own hands?

“No.” he shook his head when his eyes had begun to sting.

He didn’t want this for himself but he didn’t want anything else for Chanyeol. “No.”

“Kyungsoo…”

“I-I…if you are not happy, I cannot be happy.” Kyungsoo said. “So, I want you to be happy.”

“Kyungsoo…”

“This is what I want.” he said.

He didn’t feel any joy inside, but the darkness was suddenly lighter.

Chanyeol lightly smiled. They didn’t move from their spot and Kyungsoo wasn’t sure how he woke up in his own bed in the morning.

He felt strange, different that day.

Sad but muddied in it, there was Chanyeol’s growing happiness, shadowing anything that he could have felt.

Days passing, he was seeing less and less of him, by choice or not. They were growing longer and darker and he knew, that hour by hour, his soul was heavier, stretched and stretched until it felt like it would break each time he would feel an explosion of happiness that was not his. That was not something he made Chanyeol feel.

Not even the happiness could he feel. He had reached a point when there was nothing left for him to feel.

His soul, once linked to Chanyeol’s, like a crude joke done by someone else, now felt let loose. So loose, that he didn’t know what to do with it.

One day, he could see the asphalt through his legs. For anyone else, he was real, vivid. For him, only a shadow.

A bird chirped on a tree, loud and happy and then it flew. Right in his direction. He tried to bend down, but it went right through him, as if he were made out of thin air and disappeared between some trees.

He knew his fate, he knew it from the beginning, seeing many more being like him. But he laughed into their faces, knowing with a stupid certainty that his fate would be different.

One day, as he was sitting on the bed, blood was dripping from his wrists, faster and faster, pooling at his feet. He glanced at his right hand and saw the blade. But he didn’t know from where it appeared there.

Then he knew.

He closed his eyes and fell down on the bed, thinking about that toothy grin of Chanyeol when he was little, when he broke that photo frame, with a picture of them both behind that glass. It shattered at his feet, but he had tried to piece it together, while Chanyeol had laid his head on his shoulder, breathing warmly on his cheek. Kyungsoo had taken the blame all upon himself; he had received the punishment, but that time, he had felt happy and filled with love. Chanyeol had hugged him so tight that he had though he’ll remain out of air, but he hadn’t said one word. He had hugged back and smiled.

He heard the window open again, hitting the wall and shattering into so many pieces, like that photo frame.

At the back of his head there was nothing, not happiness or jealousy. He remembered how happy Chanyeol was and indeed, he didn’t want to be just a shadow, to have what it was never meant for him to have.

His breathing became so shallow and painful, but only for a split of a second, because then, it slowly stopped.

A bird flew inside the room and glanced down at the bed. But there was nothing onto it. No blood or body. It was empty, only for the sheet to be rumpled. Only in the wind, it could discern some golden dust, being taken away into the distance.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i initially wanted this to be much longer because i had a slightly different idea in mind.  
> but i like it better this way; in general, kyungsoo is supposed to be chanyeol's guardian angel, or at least, their souls are somehow linked together.   
> kyungsoo's death and gradual disappearance can be metaphorical, inflicted by the loss of a loved one who chose someone else instead of him; it's the pain reflecting on his mental and physical capabilities; or it can be taken literally: kyungsoo was actually becoming a shadow.


End file.
